I need the smell of summer, I need its noises in my ear.

At first, he is gentle with me in the park. He is the idea of the man I want to be with but he is not the man. He can never understand this concept or why I don't need him to call. I just want to make him think I do. Writing is often about the inability to communicate, sounds don’t always let us say what we want. However I could tell him anything and he would suck it all in and keep it. He would never give it to anyone else. He nearly collapsed after the last time. I thought he would die in my bed and I was worried I would have to explain it to the police.

My favorite thing about him is that he is gone before I wake up. Only he leaves his socks behind, and so I wash them and carry them around for weeks in my purse. He is thankful when I return them, however he looks very uncomfortable.

I think I am close to finding the thing I am looking for, even though I still don’t know what it is.

I am unsure whether or not I am opposed to monogamy, or if I am just one of those people that always wants the things that I cannot have.