At first, he is gentle with me in the park. He is the idea of the man I want to be with but he is not the man. He can never understand this concept or why I don't need him to call. I just want to make him think I do. Writing is often about the inability to communicate, sounds don’t always let us say what we want. However I could tell him anything and he would suck it all in and keep it. He would never give it to anyone else. He nearly collapsed after the last time. I thought he would die in my bed and I was worried I would have to explain it to the police.
My favorite thing about him is that he is gone before I wake up. Only he leaves his socks behind, and so I wash them and carry them around for weeks in my purse. He is thankful when I return them, however he looks very uncomfortable.
I think I am close to finding the thing I am looking for, even though I still don’t know what it is.
I am unsure whether or not I am opposed to monogamy, or if I am just one of those people that always wants the things that I cannot have.
13 April 2011
I'm sitting in this house alone, wondering why I left home.
If the distance between where they are going and where you are standing cannot be measured, is an awkward bridge a bridge that goes nowhere?
There are three laws of planetary motion: The planets orbit the sun in ellipses. As a planet moves around its orbit, it sweeps out equal areas in equal times. More distant planets orbit the sun at slower average speeds.
I meet him through work, and he does not realize that I am not willing to be a mother to his daughter. He fills me, but goes limp in the car. He buys a new car and sends me a text every once in a while to ask how I am. I stop responding.
My propensity for Jewish men leads me to him. Which leads me right back to where I started.
There was a time when I thought I would never get any better or worse. I would remain the same for the rest of my life and I was okay with this. I remember always wanting to marry a man who wrote like William Carlos Williams. I remember how beautiful I felt when I spoke French. Then I woke up older and had no idea who I was or who I was becoming.
There are three laws of planetary motion: The planets orbit the sun in ellipses. As a planet moves around its orbit, it sweeps out equal areas in equal times. More distant planets orbit the sun at slower average speeds.
I meet him through work, and he does not realize that I am not willing to be a mother to his daughter. He fills me, but goes limp in the car. He buys a new car and sends me a text every once in a while to ask how I am. I stop responding.
My propensity for Jewish men leads me to him. Which leads me right back to where I started.
There was a time when I thought I would never get any better or worse. I would remain the same for the rest of my life and I was okay with this. I remember always wanting to marry a man who wrote like William Carlos Williams. I remember how beautiful I felt when I spoke French. Then I woke up older and had no idea who I was or who I was becoming.
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